its been a long time since i last pen down my thoughts

CHEERS
intensive cheerocbics training is beginning
its has been 10months training as a wildcards member
10months
seems short, slghtly less than a year
yet, when i look back it seems so long because so many things had happened
toss -> toss to hands -> extension -> extension close legs -> liberty -> stable liberty -> single take liberty -> cupie -> stabalising right cupie -> training left cupie -> going for a pop over soon
its only 10months !!
maybe like what ochi said
expectations made are as such
- toss to hand by 2nd training
- liberty in 2 weeks
- cupie in 6 wekks
I HOPE there's still a long way to go for me
thing's gonna start changing very soon
lets take a step at a time
finish up with cheerobics and talk about the rest
prepartion will starts very very soon
whats with this sense of insecurity?
whats with thiese amount of worries?
whats with this anxiety?
whats with this level of tension?
whats with this eagerness to win?
I have never win before, I want to win for at least once
not 2nd, not 3rd but only champion
love me please champion
stress stress stress stress stress stress stress stress
i don't want disappointment can?
please go away from me



STUDY
SIP for 5months or rather 20weeks
it just ended
that last two days of work turned out to be very very bad
coming back to school
a thesis to write and handed up in two weeks
seems crazy to me because i have never written a thesis before
damn it
life sucks ! take drugs ! :)
sucks la simply
if and only if life could go our way isnt?
but the matter of fact is that it doesn't give you what you want !!
feel sad all you want
whine all you want
emo all you want
you still gotta face it
thats the suckest part about life
damnit
hahahax !!
smile and look foward
smile and look forward
smile and look forward
swallow all your unhappiness
just know that life's like that
urgh !
fucking sad story
sad story
sad story
argh !



WORK
same like always
seems like everything has been planned by my father
i'm glad that my future is somewhat secured
yet, i'm scared to disappoint him
so ya
somehow feel like what if i cant live up to his expectation
somehow feel like i'm not ready
somehow feel like i want to play somemore but i'm not young anymore
somehow feel like, why not i just commit suicide
then maybe i will be a better person
-.-
damnit
fuck fuck fuck !!
haix !
fuck up la, fuck up !
haix !!